


Casualties

by DutchInsanity



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: F/M, The Marauders - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-10
Updated: 2016-11-10
Packaged: 2018-08-30 03:29:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8516734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DutchInsanity/pseuds/DutchInsanity
Summary: Y/N Y/L/N and Sirius Black were alike in many ways and all these similarities led to them being the best of friends. But sometimes having too much in common can lead to heartbreak, you see both of them had sworn to never fall in love but what good is such a promise when you're already falling? And how could you possibly keep such an oath when you find the one person who really, truly understands you?This is the story of how two people, so obviously meant for each other, let their pride tear them apart.





	1. Chapter 1

_It wasn't as if they kept it a secret, everyone knew about their 'casual hook ups'._  

_When they came into class late, both glowing and happy smiles, everybody knew what they'd been up to._  

_You could see it in the way they looked at each other, a desperate hunger for each other. A hunger that could only be satiated by the touch they both craved._  

_They would both swear it was nothing serious, no feelings just fun. A pretence easy to keep up until one of them was caught under the sheets with another or flirting shamelessly because, by god, were they possessive. Neither one of them wanted to share the other, but they were both too proud to admit it._  

_But before I tell you how it ends, let me show you the beginning. The decision that ruined everything, they just didn't know it yet._  

_____________ 

 

Y/N Y/L/N, the girl everyone wanted to be. She had everything, looks, confidence, the Marauders all wrapped around her fingers, she was an exceptional witch, she could make anyone laugh and most importantly, she had Sirius Black's undivided attention. 

But the one thing she didn't have, was a heart. The girl couldn't love, whether it was because she'd been hurt before or because she simply found the emotion pointless, no one knew why. 

Sirius Black, badass supreme. He was gorgeous in every way possible, funny, brilliant and didn't care what anyone thought of him. And Y/N was obsessed, he was the only thing she truly desired. 

But Black didn't do love. He did meaningless hookups and he most certainly didn’t date. He'd sworn off emotions and found them meaningless, a waste of time. 

He wanted her, badly. His eyes would follow her everywhere she went. Whenever she was seen with a boy his jaw would clench in an anger that could only be described as jealousy. 

She craved him. Whenever he entered the room she could practically feel his presence. 

And one night, they both got their wishes. 

It started at a party in the Gryffindor common room. People were drunk and still drinking. Groups were clustered together in circles, playing dumb muggle party games like spin the bottle or truth or dare. 

The Marauders, Y/N and a few others were sitting in one of these circles and that was how it all started. 

"Y/N, truth or dare?" James asked, his eyes glinting with mischief and insobriety. 

Y/N smirked, she would always take a dare and James knew it. "Dare." 

James licked his lips and glanced around the circle. "I dare you and Pads to play seven minutes in heaven in our dorm." 

Sirius and Y/N's eyes met, both of them intoxicated, they both knew what exactly would happen. "Deal." Y/N responded and led the way upstairs. 

____________ 

 

The door closed and their lips connected hungrily, clothes being ripped off and thrown across the room until they were both in just underwear. 

They fell onto a bed, Sirius didn't know whose it was nor did he care. 

"We only have seven minutes." Y/N panted when his lips moved down her neck, leaving rough hickeys and biting on the soft skin. 

"Then we'll save the best stuff for next time." He replied, his lips meeting hers again, desperate to take in as much as he could before this glorious moment ended. 

___________ 

 

Their second meet up didn't happen until weeks later. Those weeks had been filled with lingering touches, 'sex' eyes as James had called it when he'd told them, to hurry up and kiss already. 

Until one day Y/N had had enough and dragged Sirius into her dorm while everyone else was at breakfast. 

"This means nothing." She stated, hand on his chest to hold him at bay. "No emotions, no feelings, nothing." 

"We're just two friends helping each other out." He winked and pushed her hand aside, his own hands wrapping around her waist and lifting her. Her legs wrapped around him and their lips met for the first time in almost a month and it was just as exhilarating and desperate as the first time. 

But this time nothing stopped them from going all the way. 

___________ 

 

Their 'meetings' weren't planned. The only schedule was desire and it worked out well. 

Until Sirius decided he wanted a change of scenery and brought a Ravenclaw girl to bed with him. 

Gossip in Hogwarts spreads faster than the first beams of daylight in the morning and before the day was over the news had reached Y/N's ears. 

She laughed and said she didn't care who Sirius messed around with. But she was furious. 

So she retaliated. 

The next day she found an attractive Slytherin boy and took him into an empty classroom which didn't go unnoticed, just as she'd planned. 

The information was passed along to Sirius hours later when he was in the common room and his hand crushed his inkwell in a rage, eyes scanning the room for Y/N. 

She'd just entered and he wasted no time in taking her to his room for angry, jealous sex. 

Both of them reminding the other who they belonged to. 

___________ 

 

This unhealthy pattern went on for months until something changed in Sirius. He stopped lusting after other girls, the only one he ever saw was Y/N. Each moment with her seemed different somehow, more intimate. 

He was no longer fucking her, he was _loving_ her. 

But Y/N didn't seem to feel the same way, and he had no intentions of telling her how he felt and risking what he already had. 

Until she took the game too far. She enjoyed making Sirius jealous but this time she messed around with the wrong person. 

___________ 

 

"Sirius what the hell!?" Y/N cried when he stormed over to her and dragged her into the nearest classroom. 

She knew instantly that this wasn't the usual meet up, he looked _pissed_. 

Angrier than he'd ever been with her. 

" _James?_ Really? Of all the people you could have shagged you chose my _best friend_?!" 

"What's the big deal? It didn't mean anything." 

"IT MEANS SOMETHING TO ME!" He all but screamed and punched the wall beside him. Y/N flinched but otherwise showed no other reaction. 

"You're being stupid, it's not like we're exclusive or anything." She snapped. "Why the heck are you reacting like this?" 

"BECAUSE I-" He stopped himself and looked away from her. 

"You what?" 

"Because I love you." 

She stared at him, not quite processing what she'd just heard, while he refused to meet her gaze. 

"I'm sorry, I don't feel the same way." Y/N whispered, Y/E/C eyes watching him pitifully. 

"I know you don't. Which is why I think we should stop this… arrangement we have going on. I can't do it anymore babe." 

"I understand." She stepped forward and took his hand, his eyes finally meeting hers. "If it's any consolation, you're the best shag I've ever had." 

He laughed humourlessly, leaning his forehead against hers and closing his eyes, hoping to live in this moment as long as he could. "Can I kiss you? One last time?" 

She hesitated before standing on her tiptoes to kiss him. 

His hands came up to cup her cheeks while she wrapped her arms around his waist. 

This kiss was different to any other they'd shared. Where the others had all been driven by passion and lust, this one was full of emotion and words that went unspoken. 

When it ended, far too soon for either of their liking, Y/N had tears dripping down her cheeks which Sirius wiped away with his thumbs. 

"Goodbye, Sirius Black." She whispered and moved to the door. 

"I love you, Y/N Y/L/N." 

_________ 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

"I love you, Y/N Y/L/N." 

Those five words followed Y/N out of the room and haunted her all the way back to the common room. 

" _Password_?" The fat lady portrait asked in her drawling voice. 

"Snargaluff." 

The portrait swung forward and released the sound of laughter, a sound Y/N dreaded hearing right now. She plastered on a face of indifference and climbed into the room. 

Sirius' friends were seated by the fire and James waved her over, his hair was still messy from..... 

"Oh god I've messed up." She whispered to herself, turning away from the boys and darting up to her dorm room. 

She entered it to find the others were already there and she brushed away any hopes of solitude tonight so she started preparing for bed, Sirius' last words to her buzzing around in her mind. 

_______________ 

 

Hours passed but sleep did not come easily either of them. 

Every time Y/N closed her eyes she saw him, his face at the very moment he'd confessed his feelings for her, how he'd looked when she'd broken his heart. That kiss, their last kiss. The way he'd touched her, with a gentleness she had never thought Sirius Black could be capable of. 

Sirius, face buried in his pillow, breathing in the lingering scent of Y/N. The others were all snoring peacefully and the boy envied them. He felt as if he would never know such peace unless Y/N was in his arms. But she'd made it clear, the girl didn't do love. 

And even though he knew it was pointless, that it was a lost cause, he still loved her with every fibre of his being. He was hers, in body and soul. 

Y/N sighed deeply, rolling over for what felt like the hundredth time. Her fingers came up to brush her lips, still feeling the traces of his touch. For a few moments she dazed on the edge of dream and reality as she relived every moment with Sirius in her memory, stopping on the moment when he'd told her he loved her. 

"I love you, Sirius Black." She whispered into the darkness, a confession she knew no other soul would hear. 

______________ 

 

For weeks the two couldn't stand to be in the same room together. What had once been an incredible friendship had turned into awkward encounters in the halls, furtive glances when the other wasn't looking, making excuses to leave a room when the other had just entered and miserable silences. 

Their friends could clearly tell something was wrong. They could see it in the way Sirius' head would jerk up whenever Y/N was mentioned in conversation, only to slump back into his brooding position when he realized she wasn't there. 

They saw it in the way Y/N would move slowly when she left a classroom, giving herself time to watch Sirius walking away with a sad look in her eyes. 

The only people unaware of their misery was the pair themselves, for all Sirius saw of Y/N these days was her brilliant smile when she laughed at something James said, as if she was rubbing it in his face. Not knowing, of course, that James was the only person who could get through to her because of how much he reminded the girl of the boy she loved. 

Y/N Y/L/N, no longer the girl everyone wanted to be. She still had the looks, she was still brilliant and the Marauders were still playing in the palm of her hands. 

She still had Sirius Black's undivided attention but what she wanted now was his love. And it was too late, she'd turned him away when he'd opened his heart to her. Without him, she felt lost. 

Sirius Black, still a work of art, inside and out but no longer the person that bullies feared. His edge was gone, he didn't know who he was without Y/N on his arm. 

_____________ 

 

It ended similarly to how it started.  

Their sixth year ended and summer came and passed with no change. Two months into seventh year and the Marauders had decided it was enough. They were sick of seeing their friends so miserable, sick of knowing how much the pair missed each other but too proud to admit it. 

A cold night found the Marauders all sitting around the fire together, Y/N had just walked into the common room and their plan went into action. 

Remus went up to the girl and put an arm around her, whispering something to her which she responded to with a shrug of her shoulders and allowed the boy to lead her up to the boys' dorm room, all under the sad and watchful eyes of Sirius. First James now Remus, Y/N really was out on a mission to destroy him. 

The thought of what the pair were doing up there brought out an anger that he hadn't felt in months and he flew to his feet. 

"I'll be right back." He growled, stalking off to his room. Peter and James exchanged triumphant grins, their plan was working out perfectly. 

_____________ 

 

"What's this about, Moony?" Y/N muttered as she walked into the room, sitting down on his bed. 

"Do you really think no one's noticed how you've been acting these past few months? We gave you the summer because we hoped you'd feel better but clearly nothing has changed." He softened his tone when he noticed how uncomfortable the girl seemed. "Y/N, you don't have to tell me what happened, I just want to help you." He said comfortingly, sitting down beside her and putting an arm around her. "You have to let someone in." 

"Thank you." She whispered, burying her face into his shoulder and wrapping her own arms around his waist. 

The door flew open with a loud crashing noise that sprung the two apart. 

Sirius stood in the doorway, face red with anger as he took in the two of them on Remus' bed. 

"Get. Out." His eyes were fixed on Remus as the boy ducked past him and down the stairs, not seeing the grin slowly working its way onto his face. 

Then Y/N and Sirius were alone. 

He stepped into the room, slamming the door behind him. 

"Do you mind?" Y/N snapped, in that second forgetting all her worries and sadness, as if his very presence had taken it all away and all she felt was anger at the boy before her. "We were busy." 

"I don't care." Sirius said back venomously, hands clenching into fists at his sides. "I don't care if you don't want to be with me Y/N. You can do whatever the heck you want but I will _not_ sit by and watch you run around screwing my friends!" 

Y/N fell into a shocked silence, glaring at Sirius incredulously. "Y-you think that.... that Moony and I were.... You're such a moron. As if I would _ever_ mess around with Moony, he's like a brother to me!" 

"So was James, so was I once." 

"Whatever, I don't have to explain myself to you." Y/N shoved past him and went for the door. 

Which was locked. 

"Unlock the door Sirius." 

"It is unlocked." He pushed her to the side and tried the handle, but it wouldn't budge. 

" _Sorry guys! But we're all sick of you two being such buzz kills!_ " Remus' voice came from the other side of the thick wood. 

" _If it helps, I left you guys some snacks and condoms under Sirius' bed. Have fun!_ " James laughed heartily. 

" _Wrap it before you tap it!_ " Peter added. 

"WHAT THE SHIT, POTTER! OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR RIGHT NOW!" Sirius bellowed, banging on the oak. 

The only response was laughter and the sound of footsteps fading away. 

"Wand." Y/N suggested, having forgotten hers in the doom before dinner. 

"Right." Sirius reached into his pocket but found it empty. "What.." A quick search determined that neither of them had their wands. "Peter must have transformed and stole it from me." Sirius growled, trying the door again. 

"Oh give it up, we're obviously not getting out any time soon." Y/N sighed, making her way over to a random bed and sitting down heavily, leaning back against the headboard. 

Sirius banged his forehead against the door in defeat before turning around, instantly noticing that Y/N had taken his bed. He moved to take Peter's, which was on the opposite side of the room. 

Y/N watched Sirius take his seat and her heart fell slightly, he'd chosen the spot furthest away from her. 

They fell into an uncomfortable silence, a silence filled with all the things they were dying to say but both of them were too proud to start that conversation. 

"Before I forget, you uh... left your bra here last year the last time we.... it's in my trunk." Sirius coughed awkwardly, looking anywhere but at the one thing he wanted nothing more than to gaze at endlessly. _Her_. 

"Thanks, I was wondering where that had gotten to." She mumbled, slipping off the bed and opening his trunk, grabbing her garment from the top and shoving it into the pocket of her robes before sitting back and leaning against the wall. From here she had a perfect view of Sirius from the side. The way the shadows bounced around on his face, defining his jawline and making his eyes look darker. 

She bit her lip as she really looked at him for the first time in a long time, tilting her head to the side subconsciously. The strong set of his shoulders made her think of all the times she'd glided her hands over the soft skin and felt the muscle hidden underneath. 

Her eyes passed over his body, taking in every detail and movement, the rise and fall as he breathed in and out, his lips as his tongue darted out to wet them. 

When she reached his eyes again she was shocked to find them already on her. 

"You alright there?" He asked bitterly. 

"I'm sorry I slept with James." She blurted out. "Even I should have known that would be too far." 

"Doesn't matter, what's done is done and frankly, I don't care who you're shagging." He lay back, resting his head on his hands and gazing up at the ceiling. 

"You cared enough to burst in here when you thought I was getting it on with Remus." She retaliated. His jaw clenched in anger at the memory. "I wasn't, by the way. He was _comforting_ me, you know, as friends do when they care about each other?" 

"What could possibly be bothering you so much you needed comforting? Was no one willing to get in your pants today?" 

"There probably would've been, I wouldn't know as I haven't been with anyone since that day you..." 

"Since I what? Said I loved you? Don't worry I won't make that mistake again." He laughed coldly, Y/N winced at the ice in his voice. 

"Who said it was a mistake." She whispered. 

He didn't say anything for a moment then slowly sat up to stare at her. "Don't you dare mess with this Y/N." He whispered, any anger he'd felt was gone. Replaced by a small flame of hope when he saw the vulnerability in how she was looking at him. 

"I shouldn't have walked away from you that day." She cautiously got to her feet, acting as one would around a wild animal they were trying not to scare off. "That was the mistake, you saying you loved me wasn't. Not by a long shot." 

"Why not?" He moved to the edge of the bed, bare feet touching the cold floor as he stood to his full height. 

"Because." She whispered, taking a step towards him, not once breaking eye contact. "I love you too. It took me too long to realize it but I do, I really do. I-" 

He crossed the room in a few strides and gathered her into his arms, meeting her lips with a sigh of relief. That instant they touched again washed away all the bitterness and misery they'd felt these last five months. They'd gone too long without each other. 

Her hands slid up his arms and into his hair, kissing him back with the same urgency. 

"I love you." He murmured against her lips. 

"I love you too." 

"I'm never letting you walk away again." 

________________ 

 

 _They made a new promise that day, an unspoken one, that they would never leave each other again. A promise that rang true after they graduated when Sirius took her to the common room one last time and brought out a ring, asking her to be his for the rest of their lives. She fell to her knees in front of him, tears in her eyes as she said yes._  

 _Their love lasted for years, the two finding comfort in each other when they heard of James and Lily's deaths. It lasted the twelve long years Sirius spent in Azkaban, suffering for the loss of two people he loved dearly._  

 _A love that lasted even after Sirius gave his life, fighting at Harry's side._  

 _And when Y/N fell at the battle of Hogwarts, she was at peace, knowing that she would finally see him again._  


End file.
